he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
