Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
