More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
