jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
