shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
