Reggie can tackle my bush.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
