Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
that is very illegal...i love you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
