I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
