when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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