So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
