yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
