Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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