I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
