So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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