That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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