cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
