Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
