i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
