Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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