I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
