these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
