Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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