just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
