I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
