I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We left the knife in your bed.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Panties = found
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
