My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
