he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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