My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
