So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
