I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
