do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
