Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
