just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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