Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
