She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
