"it" just moved
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
