I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
