I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
