Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
