i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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