There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
