HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ttyl tear gas
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
