Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
