I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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