We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
