The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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