Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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