That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
