she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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