Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
