Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
