btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
