when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there was a trapeze. enough said
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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