Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize