where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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