I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
