Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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