So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
