he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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