Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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