I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
