I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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