you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
